The Larry Gene Ashbrook Anti-Baptist HomepageWhen I think of those idiots who hold hands around the flag pole every morning at public schools here in Texas, I get an itchy sensation in my fingers that I can't cure without picking up a gun. Thank the devil we here in Texas still have a right to buy, own and shoot our guns, or I'd go totally nuts!
I don't wash my hair all that much, and my house is kind of a mess. But it's a free country and I ought to be left alone to do my own thing. I certainly don't have much use for my neighbors. Some of them try to wave at me and act all friendly, but I know they're really just FBI employees trying to get close enough to put electronic transmitters in my brain. I already have enough of those, some of them broadcasting the world wide web into my dreams, so I sure as hell don't need no more!
My problems with Baptists go way back to when I was young. My daddy always told me never go outside and play with the other kids, but stupid me, one day I decided to break my daddy's rules. I threw a gunny sack over the concertina wire atop the cyclone fence in the back, climbed over and found myself in the adjacent yard, which turned out to be a fundamentalist Baptist private school. A bunch of kids saw how dirty and unstylish I was and asked if I accepted Jesus as my personal lord and saviour. I said what my daddy always taught me, that God was dead and that Jesus was a common crook like Richard Nixon and it was good the Romans stuck him like the pig he was. The kids were shocked at first, but then they were delighted as they tried to get me to be Christian like them. One of them even took me home, and her Daddy took a special interest in me. He took me into a bathroom to "minister" to me. As I sat on the toilet, he pulled down his pants and whipped out his big Christian pecker and demanded that I suck it and swallow the "saving juice of the Lord." I couldn't believe it! I don't think I've quite been the same since.
Recently my Daddy died. It's been rough for me ever since. The money he saved up has been running out and no one will hire me to do anything. I even tried to get a job as a web programmer, but at my last job interview at a web design firm, the interviewer asked me if I'd ever taken a bath. If I don't get money soon, I won't be able to buy any more food. I get grumpy when I don't eat, and when I get grumpy, I start thinking about how much I hate Baptists. I can't believe the arrogance of those Baptists. I hear that nowadays they're holding morning rituals around flagpoles at public schools! I'm really pissed off! I've been punching holes in my walls I'm so mad!
After a hard day of being pissed off, this guy is my only salvation.
And here's more stuff that makes me reach for my gun:
a total schmo
a wench of ill reputea tosser of cookies
a dingleberry pluckera wearer of clothes
a taker of shitsa drinker of tequila
a failure of httpa passer of gasa pincher of loaves
feedbackIt has come to my attention that my site is referenced (albeit obliquely) on a portion of your site that satirizes the recent tragedy in Texas. Because I find your material particularly offensive, I wish not to be associated with it in any way. Although couched in terms of fictional satire, the reference represents a veiled threat. First Amendment issues aside, please respect my wishes and remove my URL from your page at once.
The Silken Tent (an online journal)
No Brief Candle --a Family History Project