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Jealousy's Exciting Impact

by the Gus, December 1995


here is a new story going around Charlottesville these days. It seems that this girl Vanna, who is a seventeen year old punk rocker, fell out with her old boyfriend, skinhead/rainbow Jason, and he decided to make life miserable for her. So he spread a rumour that she'd been doing the hey now with Jason's married skinhead brother, Eric "The Huffanator" Huffman. Eric "The Huffanator" Huffman's wife is named Melanie, and she approaches problems much as does her violent racist husband. She viewed Vanna as her problem and so followed her into Trax, beat her up, and stuck her head into the toilet and flushed, destroying her elmer's glue spikes. Mission accomplished.

These days Eric "The Huffanator" Huffman has been hanging out with The Malvern Girls. Melanie Huffman has noted the frequent absence of Eric "The Huffanator" Huffman, and has decided that he has been spending too much time at the Malvern Girls' house. She has told Eric "The Huffanator" Huffman's father, Carl, that she's on to those Malvern Girls, and that he, Carl, should tell them, the Malvern Girls, that she, Melanie, can "really screw things up for them." Recently, Melanie came out to the Malvern Girls' House looking for Eric "The Huffanator" Huffman and he wasn't there. She was nothing but pleasant, but as Melanie came rolling up the driveway in her distinctive electric blue Chevy Nova, Jessika, alone at that time in the house, ran around and flushed all the toilets, mostly mellow and yellow at the time. Discussing this issue with me, Sara says Jessika will probably be the principle recipient of Melanie's wrath, since she has shaved both her legs and armpits (and Eric "The Huffanator" Huffman requires both shaved pits & legs in order to be turned on sexually). Sara has hairy legs these days, while Peggy is hairy everywhere. As they see it, Sara and Peggy have grown themselves hairs of protection.

Read about more incidents with tough guys, Nazis, skinheads, dunderheads and their lackeys.