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data fog
Friday, July 9 2004
[REDACTED]
This evening Gretchen and I went out to eat at Armadillo, the Soutwestern restaurant on Abeel down on the Rondout. We have a fondness for that place because that was where we held our wedding-eve dinner, but we don't go there very often. I think this is due to the expense. Though they serve Southwestern food, they charge strictly Manhattan prices. Restaurant priceyness is an interesting parameter, because it really doesn't have to bear any relationship to the expense of operating a restaurant and preparing its food. The Rondout, for example, is one of the region's least-expensive rental markets (a block from Armadillo, there's a building on a corner with an enormous hole in its roof). But as long as there is a wealthy demographic in a town, there will always be a demand for expensive restaurant, regardless of the quality of the food. The reason rich people prefer expensive restaurants is that poor people can't afford to eat there.
On the drive back home, we encountered hordes of people camped out in every available scrap of public space in Uptown. They were sitting on blankets or lawn chairs, sipping beverages and staring up at the sky. What could this be about? So we decided to find out. We exited the country's shortest interstate highway at its other exit and hailed a pedestrian to find out what was up. Fireworks, of course. That, and some sort of carnival featuring a ferris wheel and your usual carnival-type concessions (though, strangely, no sideshows). We parked near the off-track betting parlour (not far from Hannaford and Herzogg's), each paid our dollar ($1) admission to the carnival, and waded into the crowd. It consisted almost entirely of teenagers, many of them with tiny children. Inter-racial dating doesn't carry the stigma in Kingston that it does in other places, and many of these tiny children were of indeterminate race.
There were plenty of carnival games that could be played, and, if won, ugly stuffed animals could be won. The only stuffed animals we wanted could be won by shooting a small white star with a crossbow, so I took up the challenge. My first shot was nearly perfect, but the rules were strict and the guy running the game didn't consider it a win. So I shot again and there was no denying - I'd won! I couldn't believe how easy this was; this particular crossbow actually seemed to have an accurate sight! I had three shots in all, so I went a third time and missed. We selected a stuffed rhinoceros as our prize; it was as big as Eleanor.
We rode several rides, all of which were the kind that play around with powerful G-forces and give you the impression that you are about to die. This wasn't the most pleasant thing to be doing with a gut full of margaritas and expensive shrimp-rich southwestern cuisine, but I have the constitution of a turkey vulture bungee jumper.
The fireworks started on our first stomach-affecting ride. Somehow we'd managed to pick the ride closest to where the fireworks were actually being launched, only about 300 feet away. These were brutally powerful pyrotechnics, a bit closer to what a terrorist would like to obtain than what we'd seen from our house on Dug Hill Road. It struck me that a carnival with fireworks maximizes the pseudo-threat of death for participants. The G-forces of the rides, combined with the deafening explosions on high, is the closest to war that a civilian American outside of New York City has experienced since the Civil War. Americans crave that kind of fear. They'll do anything for it. How else can you explain the number of explosions (and good theatre bass response to deliver them) in movies? How else can you explain that some military recruiters continue to meet their quotas despite the unfolding Iraq debacle.
We were on the ferris wheel during the middle of the fireworks display. At the top of the wheel was the perfect place to see them. Our view was completely uncluttered by lights and heads. I'm even tempted to say that one hasn't truly lived until one has seen nearby fireworks from the top of a ferris wheel. The two were made for each other, like fake chicken and mushrooms.
After another crazy stomach-churning ride, Gretchen tried her hand at the crossbow, hoping to win an elephant. Unfortunately, the crossbow had become inaccurate since we'd last used it. I know this because I shot Gretchen's third shot for her and it was off to the left by about an inch.
I was doing some research today and I stumbled across a database-driven celebrity portal: www.thecelebrityportal.com. It's so uselessly bad that it's kind of fascinating. You do a look up of a celebrity and get a boilerplate blurb that goes as follows:
We hope you will find about the actor Gary Coleman all important information, pictures, photos, posters, cards, images, wallpapers, biographies, filmographies, links, fan sites and galleries. The actor Gary Coleman was born in the year 1968 and he has the nationality of USA.
Gary Coleman information, pictures, photos, posters, cards, images, wallpapers, biographies, filmographies, links, fan sites and galleries. Find the best links about the male celebrity and actor Gary Coleman.
Substitute the celebrity of your choice for Gary Coleman, and they all say the same thing in the same broken English. If you're lucky enough to be using Internet Explorer, you also get a popup, usually one offering spyware-ridden cursor replacements or casino programs. If you click the "Pictures, photos, images" link, you get this text:
If you are looking for pictures, photos or images of the hot male celebrity Gary Coleman, check out the picture sites, photo sites and image sites dedicated to Gary Coleman and listed below. You will find pictures, photos and images there. Please help us to provide more good and quality Gary Coleman picture sites, photo sites and image sites to our visitors. If you know a picture site, photo site or image site dedicated to the man gary coleman, please use our form below to add the site to our list. Thank you for your help and enjoy your stay.
The site is quagmire of non-information such as this. There actually does seem to be a tiny amount of data stored about each celebrity, because sometimes you get pictures and real birthdates.
Sadly, there seems to be a trend on the internet of more and more sites like this. Some of them manage to spam their way into high Google relevance for fairly specific search phrases and, when you click the links, present page after page of "search engine results" with links described as "The top information about..." and "All the best resources for..." These all link to identical pages, all of which try to get you to view porn and play casino games. It's a depressing data fog, and it seems to rely on subtle defects in the Google algorithm. My hope is that someday these defects will be fixed and the fog will lift. But I know that there will always be defects, and a new fog will inevitably descend. It's all a sad, inescapable aspect of reality. Because I'm a realist, I accept it. To do anything else would be akin to trying to bail out the ocean.
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