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Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").



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   yard saling and Sunfrost
Saturday, June 16 2012
Today I went yard saling today with Deborah and her friend Jane the Cellist (if you listen to alternative rock, the sound her playing her cello can be found in your music collection). Deborah picked me up at my place and we drove out to West Hurley, where we found Jane smoking a cigarette out in front of the log cabin where her new boyfriend (the purported originator of the Tom Waits vocal style) lives. [REDACTED]
Our yard sales took us through the neighborhoods on both sides of Route 375 and on into Woodstock. We'd done no research to find what sales would be happening, but there were plenty to be found. At first I seemed to be restricting myself exclusively to silver objects (a silver wooden box and a cast iron flat bread press spray painted silver). But then later I bought a 12 volt Dewalt drill with battery and charger ($35) as well as three high-end dog toys, and none of those were silver. Meanwhile Jane, who had just moved into a noisy apartment in Kingston, bought a fancy 12 volt lighting set for $15 (though she thought she might need me to install it). But mostly what she bought were books. I eventually bought a couple units of paper information myself: James Gleick's 1987 book Chaos and a large map of Europe, which I announced that I would be mounting on a wall. "That's such a guy thing," said Jane, "putting a map on a wall." (I'd never heard anyone ever come out against putting a map on a wall before.)
At some point we were in somebody's house and REM's "Fall on Me" was on the radio, and Jane said she thought she might be playing cello on it. (It turned out she was wrong; she'd played on Green, not Life's Rich Pageant.)
The only thing I remember Deborah getting was a cigar box that smelled like a dirty old man.
Eventually we ended up at Sunfrost, a sort of green grocer/café midway between Woodstock and Bearsville. The black bean burger seemed to be the most vegan-friendly item on the menu (if ordered without sour cream), though for some reason I was also craving watermelon (a fruit I do not normally eat) and iced coffee, both of which were available. We ate outside and our waitress forgot to put something expensive on our bill, so our tab was absurdly small.
There was a yardsale next door to Sunfrost, and there Jane managed to find a pair of chunky-toed knee-high boots that seemed to make her very happy. She also convinced me to buy a genuine Pyrex measuring cup for Gretchen.
When we were dropping Jane off at her boyfriend's log cabin, there was an odd smell in the air that Jane identified as being that of snake skins. I knew exactly what she meant and agreed. That was the smell. Not just anybody knows what snake skins smell like.
Deborah had set out on today's yard sale seas with hopes of getting a bike rack and a weed whacker. Since I had a couple bike racks in the garage and a human powered weed whacker I never use, I fulfilled her needs by giving her those things.

This evening Gretchen invited Paul and Ingrid (as well as Deborah) over for strawberry shortcake. Our shortcake social happened out on the east deck, though shortcake wasn't all that was consumed. Paul had brought another jar of Kentucky moonshine (similar to the one he'd given me for my birthday) and a lion dog toy for Ramona similar to the giraffe one he'd gotten her several months ago. Ramona's experience with giraffe made it possible for her to rapidly deconstruct the lion, and within an hour one of its eyes was missing and stuffing was being pulled out of the eye socket.
At some point Ingrid regaled us with interesting tales from her career as a dental hygienist. The dirty old men who have grabbed her ass weren't the worst of it; the true horror stories were the states of the mouths she has had to work with. Some people never bother to brush their teeth and put all the responsibility for their dental hygiene on the visits they make to the dentist every six months. The results of such malevolent negligence can be truly horrible, for example teeth that are held into their sockets by tarter alone.
When everyone headed home for the evening, Deborah took Ramona. Normally her dog Allou hangs out with Penny either at Michæl and Carrie's place or at Deborah's place. But with Michæl, Carrie, and Penny elsewhere, Allou has been going crazy for want of a canine companion. Ramona fit the bill, and so began the extended slumber party.


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