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unleashed in a Lego factory
Friday, January 15 1999
I worked until past 9:00 PM tonight. I can only put myself throught this by convincing myself it's some sort of ordeal in the prison of life. I have a choice to go through it or not and here's what I'm doing, to change metaphor mid-sentence: I'm choosing to face this terrible wind by marching directly into it, wincing here and there at the terrible punishment.
This would only be a good analogy if only I didn't enjoy my work so much. I build big complex machines out information. I feel like a child unleashed in a Lego factory cleared of employees by a neutron bomb. I can turn every project into a my own sandbox adventure. The actual requirements and motivational tactics are nothing more than mosquitos biting the middle of the back of the intent child in my head.
I came home to find Kim entertaining one of the dudes we'd met at Giacomo's house a few days before New Years. His name is Eric and he is an Engineer (don't confuse him with the co-worker Eric dude). Later we were joined by Cindy, a blond girl we met that same evening. Cindy is unusually intelligent, I would venture to say, but she's also extremely talkative. I was in a low-energy mood, completely unsuited to her company. I would have probably just sulked in my "half of the bedroom" (there is no such thing, by the way) were it not for the certainty that Kim would throw a fit at such a social misfunction. Also, Cindy is fun to talk to if you can somehow get yourself up to speed. She'd heard I like vodkatea and had even brought me a cute little flask of obscure Russian vodka. So, after only a little time writing in the bedroom, I rejoined the party.
Kim was on some other level than me and misconstrued all my actions as somehow negative towards her. But it's also true I was being distant. My brain had focused so strongly and for so long today, doing little other than spitting out lines of code, that it couldn't recover and go into domestic life mode in the brief time available. It sounds strange to say this, but in my subconscious, I didn't really know what a girlfriend was for. Later, when I was laying beside her dreaming of instant messaging systems, she tried to touch me and I smacked her away as if she was an annoying rodent.
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