I was utterly humiliated, and turned and departed with head held low.
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had a long series of vivid dreams last night. It bears noting that I haven't been remembering my dreams very well for the past several months. The first dream situated me in Oberlin, the College I once attended and where I subsequently "hung out" on and off for several years. I was forever having run-ins with security back in the "hanging out years," since, after a number of "incidents," I was officially barred from campus. The constant unease of having to look out for blue coated security officers eager to cart me away in chains left a permanent imprint on my fight or flight response system, and it frequently manifests in my dreams. This is especially true these days now that vigilance has again proved necessary in dealing with thugs and tough guy wanna-bes eager to gang up and kick my ass for the glory of testosterone and the advancement of fascist notions of the way "the press" should behave.
In the dream, I found myself walking into Fairchild House, a dorm near the middle of campus, with the intention of using an internet-capable computer in some fanciful computer lab upstairs. A familiar older male figure, an "adult presence" of sorts, stood in the lobby and asked me whom I intended to visit. I said "just a friend upstairs." He responded angrily that he'd never seen me before and that I would have to leave. Suddenly I noticed that a crowd had gathered and were all silently listening to this man. I was utterly humiliated, and turned and departed with head held low.
Later, in another dream, I was kissing some girl, but she was being so ridiculous and aggravating about it that it was obvious that she was just doing it to humiliate me.
Evidently there's a nagging fear in my subconscious of being humiliated.