April 5, 1997

Dear Diary:

Weather today -- too early to tell
Mood today -- no clue; haven't had coffee yet
Fly count for yesterday -- 0
HF -- 227%

First it was Friday, then it was Monday, now it's next week. I'm talking about when Rudy's phone is due to be reconnected. These feels like one of things I procrastinate on and it never gets done.... the deadline just keeps getting moved back. Next it will be, "I'm sorry, Mr. Cheong. We cannot hook up your phone because a wallabee ate our equipment." No, that's unfair. I'm sure Telstra is doing its best, but my friend Brian (one of their employees) is on vacation right now, so no doubt the company has been brought to its knees. Anyone from Telstra care to argue the point with me?

Baked spaghetti was, as always, a big hit. Now I have my cooking chores out of the way for the next six months. %) I'm actually about to set foot in the kitchen in order to make coffee, but that particular beverege is more like heroin than food: I need it. I never did do that page I talked about, did I? The things that are holding me back from doing most of the promised pages are the backgrounds. One simply cannot begin a page without the right background. I suppose now that I have learned how to use Paint Shop Pro a bit, I don't really have an excuse. Well, yes I do. I'm *lousy* at making graphics, including backgrounds! I want anything I turn out to look like Sharon's or Teri's or Theresa's stuff... without investing the months of practice they have had. Just called me S&P (Spoiled and Petulant).

Speaking of awards (we were, weren't we?), my friend The Sage of Cardigan says he's going to work on a new one, specifically for online diarist who capture his attention/imagination. I wonder how long it would take me to rewrite my Diary Archives to be interesting.... I got to thinking about it and decided I wouldn't mind offering a similar award (you know how I love awards, both giving and getting), but I don't want to steal his thunder. I'll have to think of some other esoteric excuse for an award..... "Brilliant Border Background Award"?

The friendship I mentioned yesterday that's shifting from casual to not-so-casual is turning out to be every bit as intriguing and satisfying as I'd imagined it would be. This is a person who challenges my thoughts and motives, not because he thinks I'm necessarily wrong in what I believe, but in order to make me examine my own statements for accuracy and validity. We got into a very short, very mild discussion of who we are (that's an editorial "you" by the way) as opposed to what our traits or characteristics are. I confess, I've never thought of the two as distinctly separate, and when it came time to define who I am, I was stumped. I was able to come up with one.... count 'em, ONE... thing that I believe defines who I am apart from the traits I adopt as my own. As a friend would say, I'm pathetic (he says that about himself, not me... but hey, if the shoe fits and all that...). And having just arisen from my usual four hour sleep, I can assure you I'm no closer to figuring out Ellyness than I was at midnight.

This man said something very intriguing in reference to my site, though. He said it's a "sterilized" version of me. I guess by that he means I don't flaunt my overactive libido here and I try to keep the pages somewhat family safe. And after thinking about that a bit, I can see that maybe he meant I choose to display only those parts of myself that I actually like, while kind of ignoring the negative to some extent. Frankly, I'm not quite sure what he meant, but I've no doubt the topic will come up again and he'll clarify for me. If you think what you read here is sterile or sanitized... well, you're right. There is another side to me which you, dear reader, will never see unless we become close friends. I wish it could be otherwise, but I made the decision to keep these pages family safe and I'm sticking by it. :)

Stray thought: if there is an afterlife, I sure as heck hope it's on a coffee plantation complete with its own roasting/mill facilities. And that Elvis will share his 7-11 for half 'n half with me.

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Copyright (c) 1997 Elaine M. Jordaan

This page last updated April 29, 1997