April 17, 1997

Dear Diary:

Weather today -- mildly overcast
Mood today -- tired
Fly count for yesterday -- 0
HF -- 62%

Thanks to the fact that I am friends with four of the eleven members of Archipelago, I'm privy to Madam Lucy's private emails to her little group. She sent a charmer out yesterday that included a number of misleading statements (read: blatant lies) about myself and Theresa. (Yes, she's given me permission to publish her name and you really should check her journal out for more on this little soap opera.) The reigning Queen of Writers Extraordinaire had a few other business matters to discuss with her fledgling webring members, but I've cut that part out of the following email (which includes my response to her):

>Two things, if you please. First, I've rewritten the introduction page because >two out of the four people who applied and were turned down for inclusion are >incredibly pissed at me. I guess I wasn't clear enough about the ring being >just my own deal. It's not meant to suggest someone's writing stinks if they're >not in it, just that I don't find their journal interesting. C'mon, you know that is not why I'm pissed. I am pissed because of your rudeness and arrogance in your email to Theresa. Tell the truth to your members. I made it *quite* clear that my anger has nothing whatsoever to do with rejection or the fact that you don't find my diary interesting. You attacked my friend and that pisses me off royally. Period. If you can't tell the truth, then maybe I will have to. >Period. Second, I think all of you may find some fallout from that very >perception of the ring's elitism. It's not easy to be rejected, and it's not >easy to make selections based on large amounts of personal taste. >By joining, you might find yourselves the target of some unpleasant >comments. Or not. Just be aware of the possibility. It is beneath my dignity to target your members for unpleasant comments, and I can assure you that such is the case with Theresa, as well. While YOU may act with incivility, rudeness and now dishonesty with your members, Theresa and I have integrity. You know full well that at least one member is a very close personal friend. I would no more target him than anyone else. My wrath lies TOTALLY with your insensitivity and rudeness; no one else in your ring comes into play. And as for my having laid hands on your group email... well, as I said, I have many friends on the Web. More than one of them is in your ring and the four who are members of your ring will most certainly keep me apprised of your lies.

Queen Lucy has not, of course, deigned to respond. Cowardice does indeed where many faces. Any of you diarists out there who have 'boring' journals wanna join my new webring, 'Peninsula'? ;) Or how about the alternative I'm going to set up, 'The Ring of Sarcastic Diarists With Less Than Excellent Writing Skills'?

A lot has been on my mind lately about other matters. I have been giving serious thought to polyamory as a concept and, more specifically, if this is something I could incorporate into my own existence. My gut instincts tell me yes. My best friend and lover, however, tells me no. That would be okay except for the fact that the discussion has gone beyond the hypothetical and now includes living, breathing human beings. And the way the scenario is shaping up, at least two people (myself included) are going to get hurt. *sigh* Only time will tell with this one, I'm afraid.

I've been pondering what I call 'the darkness' that is an inherent part of my soul lately. I stopped taking anti-depressants two weeks ago and honestly thought by this time I would be in worse shape than I am. Rudy has been asking me to try to make myself believe I can be 'normal' without medication; perhaps it's working. On the other hand, the darkness is definitely present and definitely creeping slowly into the areas filled with light. I know that this is brought about, in part, by recent events which have left me severely stressed out. A large part of it due to the fact that I'm in the awkward position of being both the cause of some unpleasantness in a friend's life and his sole (in his eyes) means of emotional support. A very odd position in which to find oneself, I must say.

Alright chocoholics... this page is for you! Other recent additions include ten new up-for-grabs border backgrounds and a new gotta-read-it-everyday journal link to Theresa's journal, "True Lies."

Elly's Diary Archives



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Copyright (c) 1997 Elaine M. Jordaan

This page last updated April 16, 1997