what if I? - Wednesday December 23 1998    

Looking south across the water, we see a solemn clone of Jimi flailing and wanting and being as pathetic as I've been when the memories were dog-eared and stained with the cringes of some future reflection.

I am an ape bent over my unknowing, the kind of unknowing whose absence would, in its abundance, one day so impress "we the people" or some important small segment thereof. But is it this absence, or is it the being bent over it, that actually impresses us?

Get 25% cash back on 99 Sentras! He fades to the right channel too suddenly, damn that J. Mascis, but he blots out the advertising from the television about as good as any auditory incense.

I realized tonight why it is that Bill Clinton's poll numbers are so good right now. He's been stripped bare and humiliated before all of us. He's had a dark dirty secret meticulously picked apart and analyzed on national television every night for a whole year, a torture no medieval executioner could have devised or afforded to carry out for even the most contemptible regicide. In the process, of course, this scandal had let us in on the most private aspects of our President's life. He comes across as an unwitting exhibitionist, like a rock star or an actor. We can't help but feel a connection. And, having this connection, we behold our country as strong, prosperous and peaceful as it's ever been. It all begins to make sense. Bill Clinton is very human, but he deserves to be, because he's getting shit done for us! All hold hands and sing Kumbaya!

Not that I don't think Bill Clinton is a manipulative pandering scoundrel, mind you. It's unfortunate that the Monica Lewinski scandal has put his actual policies and practices high on a shelf far from the intense scrutiny they deserve.

I realized today that at least three people in my workplace have picked up an expression from Kevin the Database Administrator. Instead of saying "right on!" he says "Exact-ly!" Karen the Member Support girl, Dave the Web Developer dude and our boss Bennett all say do it now. I read once that initiating style changes in speach habits is an indication of leadership tendencies.

She's not woman of the year, but Linda Tripp will always be memorable. I'd gotten enough laughs just from her face, but today CNBC was cruel enough to also include a sound clip:

You, I'm just like you...

So I started singing, in a goth-faux-British accent:

You, I'm just like you... I'm just like youuu!!
You, I'm just like you... I'm just like youuu!!

I was both stoned and drunk tonight, but why the hell not? Merry fucking Christmas and a ho ho ho!