01: to determine the allure of money - I start pitching quarters into a drained fountain in Brooklyn's Prospect Park.
02: United We Stand glasses - My friend Evan requests a plain glass instead.
03: a fake fake eagle and a real hawk - Something seen in Grand Army Plaza.
04: achieving predator status - Sally rolls in filth in the morning and chases squirrels in the afternoon.
05: pond floor tarmac - The four quarters in the Vale of Cashmere fountain pond vanish.
06: the infuriating softball questions of Orin Hatch - And I also hate the little patches of gruffness in Attorney General Ashcroft's speech.
07: violence and desperation in New York - And I also hate the little patches of gruffness in Attorney General Ashcroft's speech.
08: had it not first been translated - I stay home and do not attend a reading of Edgar Allan Poetry.
09: uplifting anti-drug messages - The lameness of the parties I attend these days.
10: humanity of stained glass - A fashionable Asian girl on the subway.
11: malt liquor Chanukah - Chanukah day three in Brooklyn.
12: uplifting anti-drug messages - The lameness of the parties I attend these days.
13: Newtonian physics, the Beatles, and fish and chips - Gretchen and I go see music performed on a barge in the East River.
14: random tussin Friday - The lameness of the parties I attend these days.
15: blowing like tumbleweed - Depends® adult diapers blowing down Prospect Park West.
16: Edna's first birthday - Edna vanishes early this morning and herr absence keeps us worried all day.
17: Eddie Edna returns, eats birthday cheese - Edna must have been on a vision quest.
18: Yahoo holiday party, 2001 - I get drunk on beer and cause a little trouble. Also, I ride with Yahoo big shots in a stretched limo.
19: patriotism sucks - As always, I'm moved to make satire.
20: such suffering - The conditions a man will endure for anonymous love.
21: a discussion of super powers - Also, the World Trade Center site, 100 days on.
22: hypothetical Turturro film - Ideas that develop when you can regularly see a movie star through his window.
23: flavors of mammalian earwax - Tasting earwax and contemplating Darwinian selection on societal memes while on Ecstasy.
24: all through the house - Geeks don't get computer books for their girlfriends.
25: Jewish Christmas - Chinese food and a major motion picture: Fellowship of the Ring.
26: textbook example of misery loving company - I wait in line to get my passport on a bad day for such things.
27: stir crazy keyads - They hate the cold, so the critters look to me for entertainment.
28: two bad maps, two free things - I drive down to Gretchen's parents' house in a rental car with Sally.
29: the best command of English - The 12 year old kid has the job of answering the phone in a Staunton Chinese restaurant.
30: an imbalance you can smell - Gretchen comments on my brother's unattractive odor, and I respond that it is his chemistry that is a mess, that a bath, though helpful, improves him little.
31: Comfort Inn, Lexington - Gretchen and I decide to clean up and spin New Years Eve in some semblance of civilization.