September 15, 1996:

Dear Diary:

Weather today -- Beautiful! blue skies and warm
Mood today -- Missing the dogs but otherwise good
Fly Count for yesterday -- 3
HF today -- 7215584Z%

Well, I was greeted this morning by a charming piece of e-mail from the "gentleman" I've been mentioning several times over the last week or so. He is no closer to accepting responsbility for his own actions than he's ever been. Check this out:

So I'm not on your Friends and Family page any more but [name deleted] is. Oh yeah, makes PERFECT [expletive deleted] sense to me, El!

You know what? [expletive indicating I should attempt sexual intercourse with myself deleted]! [same expletive deleted again] and your lies and your [same one again! sheesh... this guy needs a new vocabulary!]up head and your groundless accusations of me and all of this [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted].

If I have ever not been there for you, it's been because there's too much [expletive deleted] going on in my own life. Like my girlfriend's only remaining parent OR grandparent being in the hospital. You weren't there for me, either, and what's your excuse? You're just SO wrapped up in your Web site and it's just SUCH an important project to you. But, assuming I believed all the [expletive deleted] about [name deleted], I figured I could understand that, and was even glad that you had found something to lever yourself out of the hole you've been crouching in, psychologically, for the last year or so.

And then I get all this venom and there's no reason, El. NO REASON. I don't deserve this, I'm not [name deleted], and yes, it has everything to do with him -- or SOMEONE, at least -- and no, little or nothing to do with me. I will be a handy villain any more, El. I have never seen you this [expletive deleted] up and I really hope you get well, but right now I have to walk away. If you never get your head straightened out, I won't ever be walking back. I am willing to be there for you, but I will never again be someone's emotional punching bag. That includes you.


Huh??? Is it just me, or does this letter not even make SENSE? "I'm am willing to be there for you" but "I have to walk away." Hehehe... a contradiction in terms? I think so. The only good thing I gleen from this letter is that this bozo has finally gotten the message that I don't care to interact with him anymore. I HOPE this is the last communication I ever get from him, and that he's serious about "walking away." It's just a shame that he continues to lay blame for this at my feet, my friends' feet, anywhere but at his own, which is exactly where it should be placed. Oh well. Obviously, he's too thick-headed and filled with too much self-rightgeous indignation to accept that the way he treats his supposed "friends" gets old very quickly. Ahhh. It feels as though a millstone has been lifted from 'round my neck. I had to laugh. Another friend suggested I post this dude's email address to my diary so anyone who is having a bad day could take a shot at him and dump on someone they don't know. Nice idea, and VERY tempting, but I can't bring myself to do that. Yet. If I get another letter like the one this morning, though, look for a couple email addresses to be posted where you can send all your rants and raves about absolutely anything that's on your mind. *wicked grin*

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Copyright 1997 Elaine M. Jordaan

This page last updated May 3, 1997