01: scrutiny doesn't feel like luck - I prefer zero comments about my eating and drinking.
02: enough about women's basketball - Watching games with my sick girlfriend on teevee.
03: phantom charges on a phantom piece of plastic - Trouble at the hands of Bank of America US Airways Divident Miles.
04: Thanks a lot, Harry & Louise - Yet another tale from inside the abomination known as American health care.
05: veritable pharmacopoeia - I buy Alleve to help Gretchen weather her mononucleosis.
06: the adage she was searching for - An endocrinologist sees a goiter behind every medical problem and I discover how fussy Athlon XP processors can be about heat sinks.
07: fun with prescription beta blockers - Gretchen passes out during a thyroid scan.
08: monotonously-predictable crying pattern - I want to start an ecommerce site offering affordable spankings for irritating infants.
09: something of a foot emergency - I buy some overpriced $20 flip flops.
10: chipmunk minefield - They cover the forest floor at a certain density and explode as you pass them.
11: thong-creamingly good - We see American Idol and I go on about common sense regarding the natural world.
12: thongs executing McDonaldsland parabolas - Disgust about the collective synthesia of the modern pop star manufacturing industry.
13: how the future turned out - How was I to know that a stolen election and terrorist incident would be the way we'd find our way into a police state.
14: suitably fetishizable packaging - How was I to know that a stolen election and terrorist incident would be the way we'd find our way into a police state.
15: walking across the East River - A day of embarrassing excess concludes with my being ordered to sleep on the couch.
16: doghouse of silence - Gretchen and I are not on speaking terms all day long.
17: Danish - David the Rabbi comes over to eat Danish on under-utilized back stoop.
18: telephone sings songs of opportunity and annoyance - I line up my first job interview in over two years.
19: entertainment as data inflation - More observations on the visual crap that is American Idol.
20: job interview in Times Square - The HR woman was great, but my prospective boss was lacking an essential ingredient: a sense of humor.
21: responsible East Village Friday night - I avoid excessive drinking by smoking marijuana.
22: horrendous evil is possible from advanced, industrialized Western society - The lesson of Nazi Germany is not about Hitler.
23: Ruby-Throated Hummingbirds and Barred Owls - Gretchen and I go to her parents' cabin in Maryland for rest and relaxation.
24: it's not delivery (it can't be) - We eat frozen pizza at the Maryland cabin.
25: mostly there for propaganda - Showy police presence on the bridges and tunnels of New York City.
26: falling over itself in a rush - Anything to appeal to the idiot average American.
27: sleeper server - I hide a Linux server in the basement.
28: shearing Noah - Cat dreadlock removal.
29: their own worst advertising - Talking about the screaming of other people's kids.
30: hole on the beach - In celebration of Ray's birthday, a alcohol (but not drug) free party on Long Beach in Long Island.