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Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


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Like my brownhouse:
   fuck John Bunnell
Thursday, September 30 1999
This evening I was watching World's Scariest Police Chases on Fox (yet again) and I found myself fantasizing about how much better the show would be if they didn't have that god-awful coolness-challenged fascist John Bunnell as host. I'm so sick of the whole "the criminal is an idiot and the police are justified no matter how brutal" spin he puts on every sequence he self-righteously narrates. Tonight there was a scene in which the police fired on an armed suspect and Bunnell didn't even bother to tell us whether the suspect lived or died, just that he was a "dangerous drug pusher." When you figure that a good fraction of the people watching these shows are armchair criminals, actual criminals or would-be criminals trying to educate themselves on how to elude the law, I'm sure a more stylish, crime-friendly host would definitely attract a devoted fraction of the viewing audience. Of course, such a host would almost certainly lead to demagogueish congressional investigations, just like Beavis and Butthead before.
By the way, it's important to note that these crime shows give a decidedly optimistic portrayal of the success of law enforcement. For my part, I've run from the law on several occasions, even multiple times in one evening, and I've never been caught while fleeing authorities. The experience of all my law-fleeing friends has been the same. That fucker John Bunnell, in his desire to pump up the perceived effectiveness of the jack-booted police, deliberately censors from his shows the many times when the heroic criminals actually get away. For reasons such as this, we subversives contain much accumulated applause.

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