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Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").

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   Chase Manhattan's unethical credit card practices
Friday, March 1 2002
My big concern about the "shadow government" holed up and waiting to emerge in the aftermath of a terrorist nuclear attack is: what policy shifts would happen under such a government? Are those guys just yet more former Enron VPs we didn't hear about? Who elected them? Do they have organized prayer meetings every morning in the manner of our Attorney General, or do they hang out in their bunker getting drunk all day?

Bills have to be paid on a deadline, and as that deadline approaches, my likelihood of actually paying them increases. And when I suddenly find myself in a bill paying mood, I might as well pay all my bills. This is how one of my bill-paying frenzies begin. This evening I was in just such a frenzy, scribbling down numbers, affixing signatures, and dashing off checks. Then I happened to notice the tiny writing above the place where I'd just placed my John Hancock.

Yes! I want to help protect my credit rating. Please enroll me in the Chase Payment Protector Plan. I have read and understand the enclosed offer. I understand that enrollment is optional and I may cancel at any time.

It was only then that I realized that the large space reserved for my signature on the bill paying form had nothing to do with the normal payment of my bill but was instead a trick to rope me into one of their money-draining "extras." The sneaky salespeople at Chase Manhattan had strategically placed a signature blank in a part of the form calculated to harvest the signatures of the inattentive. As if credit card companies aren't bad enough, now they're pulling slime such as this! I decided to send an email press release to a bunch of people alerting them to this unprincipled practice.

I wonder if real progress on a cure for cancer and genital warts would already be well underway if only that fine print instead read as follows:

Yes! I want to help the cause of medical research. Please accept my first born child as a subject for medical experiments to be undertaken by the Chase Manhattan medical research subsidiary. I have read and understand the enclosed offer, and hereby release all claims to the aforementioned child. I understand that my signing this offer seals a binding legal contract.

In other news, the Snitchreport.com site (still partially hosted on JesusAnswers.com) appeared to be experiencing a spectacular opening day, having been immediately featured on Cruel.com. I know a lot of people are saying that I must have made that site, but if you look at most of the copy and nearly all of the design, it doesn't look or read like my work at all. I suggest you compare it to Fandango.net before you form a conclusion as to its principle author. I admit to having made a few contributions, particularly the dress-up Osama Flash game and the "Searching for Evidence" section, but I think proper credit needs to go where it's due.

For linking purposes this article's URL is:
http://asecular.com/blog.php?020301

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