If you didn't find the young woman (whose stage name is Alizée) sexy, then there can be no doubt. You're gay! I'd never heard of Alizée, but today I went looking for erotic videos suited to my particular constellation of kinks and stumbled across this:

I didn't even see her face but that hypersexual undulation definitely caught my attention. It had an authoritative quality about it, like I would imagine a naughty-but-well-meaning nurse might demonstrate as she locked the door to your hospital room prior to giving you the ride of your life. Alizée knows when to slow down and just rotate those hips, which have a biological inevitability about them that I normally only associate with thrashing flagella. The general style of the music isn't too different from Britney Spears, Madonna, or Janet Jackson, but she has a better voice and the dancing is both far more erotic and far more restrained. The fact that I find it far more appealing is yet more evidence that I'm a European trapped in an American's body.

Yeah, she's not twenty alright. Yet she's stuck with a vocabulary from the 1970s, saying things like "okey-dokey" and "boogie-woogie." I expect such crude translations in songs sung by Japanese pop stars, but not in those sung by the French (a people who have both ruled England and shown a preference for English pop songs over their own).

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