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disheartening machinations
Wednesday, December 30 1998
I could feel anger rising in me today as I found about a new plan afoot to create "systems" for website update, a task for which I am very much an integral component, though nobody saw fit to include me in any of the planning. This new plan comes, of course, in the aftermath of my struggle yesterday to install a necessary maintenance apparatus for our website. This installation brought the site down several times, but it would have been difficult to avoid doing so. By the way, "systems" is yet another Tony Robbins buzzword oft-spoken around the company. It's a term uttered more to show membership in the company mindset than to express meaningful ideas. It's an aspect of yet another disturbing cult-like aspect of my workplace: the tendency for for people to act like robots and spew out canned robotic responses in the face of "challenges," instead of doing the things that require actual thought. People should, like me, be building robots to do things that robots can do and apply their humanity to the sticky tasks that only a human mind can handle.
In the evening, Al came over and played some guitar both with and without me, though Kim and I were mostly interested in VH1's countdown of the top musicians of all time (as determined by polling the musicians themselves). Led Zepplin, Jimi Hendrix, the Rolling Stones and the Beatles were 4th, 3rd, 2nd and 1st respectively, big surprise. Still, the show was absolutely fascinating and I couldn't break away. The musicians were somehow portrayed as real human beings (one of VH1's greatest strengths) and the significance of their music, no matter my prejudices, were convincingly argued.
Later Milla the Brazilian girl came over. Al doesn't know what spell Kim has cast, but he's amazed by the sudden love the Brazilians have for her.
I'm sort of happy to suddenly find myself plugged into a very busy social world, but at the same time, it really sucks. Now what small trace of alone-time I once had is gone forever. It was hard enough telling my girlfriend I needed creative time. It takes considerably more backbone to get my friends to leave. Most of the time I just don't have what it takes to be an asshole.
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