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little girlfriends
Thursday, June 17 1999
I came home from work and immediately soaked the large "challenged tissue" part of my cheek in salt water. Kim had gone to Steph and EJ's place earlier today and borrowed some salt. I'd specifically told Kim to get me genuine salt, the sort that is white and has the little girl with the umbrella on the label, not that hippie stuff that claims not to exploit poor people in third world nations.
But that was only my first prong of attack. My second was to ingest a powerful antibiotic in case my condition was a bacterial infection of my salivary ducts, an affliction from which I have occasionally suffered in the past. I didn't think we actually had any antibiotics in the house, but when I did a little more research on Metronidazole, the drug Sophie was prescribed for her recent case of pancreatitis, it turned out that it's a powerful and somewhat controversial antibiotic. So I multiplied the number of pills by my weight in Sophies and ate them. I put a final pill directly against the sore in my mouth so it would slowly dissolve and topically treat the injury as well. I was feeling distracted and a little woozy from the persistent mouth pain from which I was suffering.
But still I wanted to go to my colleague Eric's place to attend a barbecue he was hosting this evening. Finally I'd get a chance to meet the wacky girls in his life: Lucy and Jackie. Lucy started out as Eric's highschool sweetheart and was his girlfriend until Halloween 1998, when he came home and found her in bed with Jackie.
Kim was agreeable for this expedition, so we took her car and I did the driving. I was feeling miserable as we took the Nobel Avenue exit at the wedding cake Mormon temple. By now the tablet of Metronidazole had almost completely dissolved and filled my mouth with a nauseating bitter flavour. At first I'd been working under the conviction that a person can get used to anything and this bitter taste was just one of those things. But by now the distraction of the horrific flavour in my mouth was making me light-headed and emotionally weak.
Kim was dressed in her Daisy Duke shorts, that is, her short shorts. It would have been perfect for the heat of the afternoon, but with the approach of evening, she found herself uncomfortably chilled. She started complaining about my not parking right next to our destination and we found ourselves in the middle of a shouting match as Eric and his girls were coming out of his apartment with an armload of barbecue supplies.
There's something about Lucy and Jackie that takes me back to high school in a way I've haven't been taken since high school itself. Though they're both over 18, they're incredibly young looking, with thin undeveloped unisex bodies and cute flawless faces. In any other context I would have them pegged for there's-no-way-you-can-fool-me jailbait. Furthermore, their interactions with each other and Eric had all the qualities of tittering, gossipy 14-year-olds discussing "who's cute" in front of excessively-decorated hallway lockers. None of the sixteen-year-olds I socialized with in the heart of my pedophilic phase looked or acted quite this immature. By the way, by saying this it's not my intention to pass any sort of judgment. I've never been one to criticize people or things just because they're immature; to do so is a cop-out. But at the same time, it's difficult to break through the culturally-induced reticence one normally feels when socializing with someone so apparently youthful.
As reticent as I might have been, at least I have some recent experience with hanging out with people this age. When my mid-30s colleagues Kevin and Scott showed up, the juxtaposition was nothing short of absurd. We older folks handled the situation mostly by talking among ourselves about adult things: wonderful business ventures we should do on our own, workplace paranoia, and the fact that our company is completely out of touch with the demographic it hopes to exploit. Kim, on the other hand, interacted mostly with Jackie, the "home-wrecking lesbian." Jackie seemed to have an immediate fondness for Kim, saying my girlfriend looked a lot like Sarah McLachlan and that she had cool boots as well.
Do they look alike? Which is which?
The saddest performance of the entire evening was Eric's. This was his first party ever, and his lack of experience was immediately evidenced by the neglected items blackening on the grill. If Kim hadn't come along and taken charge of the barbecue, no one would have had anything to eat. As she flipped burgers and put together sandwiches for my friends and me, Kevin said respectfully, "You're a lucky man, Gus."
Though Kim was actually being rather bitchy towards me, my romantic situation stood in stark contrast to Eric's. His love for Lucy was still strongly apparent. Despite everything he might say in the workplace to the contrary, he doesn't have what it takes to break free of her spell. In Lucy' presence, he was a sad obsequious puppy. Every time he passed her he'd pet her on the head and kiss her on the cheek. She wasn't in the least bit appreciative, replying by rolling her eyes and asking him to please stop. According to Eric, the two still occasionally have sex, but from all indications the energy is completely one-sided. To be frank, my guess is that Lucy rewards Eric with occasional sex as a means of maintaining a lucrative relationship with a dependable breadwinner. At this age, she may not know exactly what she wants romantically in this world, but she seems fairly happy with Jackie. The two live together.
Before too long, the girls had all departed and Kim was the only one left. The festivity had officially become a sausage party. After the other men left, Eric, Kim and I watched a Stevie Nicks concert on VH1. I sure wish our basic cable plan include VH1. That's got to be the best cable channel of all.
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