In these troubled times, it's imperative for Americans to know exactly who their neighbors are. Bob and Sally may look like nice young God-fearing suburbanites with an SUV and a well-manicured lawn, but appearances can be deceiving.

Therefore, we urge you to use this form to report any and all un-American and un-patriotic activities and enter your suspect's name into our FBI-linked database of suspected terrorists. The smallest detail, the simplest remark, even a frown at the mention of our great President--could be the clue that will expose terrorists hidden in your community.

Please rest assured that any reporting you make of suspected terrorists using this form will be done in such a way as to guarantee your anonymity.

Terrorist's Name:
Terrorist's Email:
Suspect smells of falafel.
Suspect was seen wearing a turban.
Suspect has excessive facial hair.
An absence of patriotica was noticed on suspect.
Suspect has flight instruction manual(s).
Suspect was seen with a copy of the Koran.
Suspect was seen in the company of a woman dressed in a burqa.
Suspect was seen kneeling on a small piece of fabric.
Suspect was heard speaking a foreign language.
Suspect didn't rise for pledge of allegiance.
Suspect refused to make change for the bus and insisted I buy a latte.
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