You may wonder, "How can I spot a terrorist?" The answer, you will be relieved to learn, is "easily." Terrorists perform acts of terrorism because they hate America. Therefore, the last thing a terrorist would be is patriotic. A terrorist would never celebrate the Fourth of July, fly an American flag, say the Pledge of Allegiance loudly so that others may hear, or have anything but the deepest respect and admiration for our President, our elected officials, and our military leaders. Did Bob fly his flag improperly? Did Sally fail to attend the Fourth of July parade? Was Ed overheard criticizing our President? These may seem like subtle trangressions, but look closely--they are indicators of deep-seated hatred for America--the hallmarks of terrorism. Spotting terrorists is as easy as noticing anything out of the ordinary. Indicators of anti-American sentiment can be found everywhere--simply put, anything deviating from an endorsement of our great nation and the bounty it provides is a sign of terrorist activity.

Terrorists are everywhere. Even the most outlandish clothing can be a clever disguise for a terrorist--one can only shudder at the amount of explosives this terrorist is undoubtedly hiding in his oversized shoes.

Don't hesitate to conduct surveillance and report people who read or discuss unAmerican literature. If they've aroused your suspicions, it's likely they're involved with terrorism.

If you find yourself sitting next to someone you feel might be a terrorist, send us an anonymous email with their appearance, location, and a brief description of their terrorist activity. Be sure to send copies of your email to the FBI, the Department of Justice, and the Office of Homeland Security.

24 hours a day, 7 days a week, SNITCH operatives are watching for unAmerican, unpatriotic, and terrorist-related activity.