Your leaking thatched hut during the restoration of a pre-Enlightenment state.

 

Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").

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   cheap Santa Monica Real Estate
Monday, June 19 2000
Today was the first day in the new office on Olympic. My computer wasn't even operational until noon, but I was happy with my new digs. The view from my spacious cubicle isn't, it turns out, the frightfully busy Olympic Avenue; instead it's the set for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The set consists of a short stretch of fictional street, complete with false shop fronts and cinematic lights.
In looking for a new place to buy my lunch, I decided to find a restaurant somewhere in the neighborhoods to the south of Olympic. There's nothing really on Olympic itself; it's a non-retail thoroughfare, lined more with industries and warehouses than shops and restaurants. So I ended up getting a sandwich at the KFC on the corner of Pico and 28th. Did you ever notice that KFC doesn't have the word "Fried" in its trademark any more? See if you can find "fried" or "Kentucky" anywhere on their website. It appears that, having pulled off a market-savvy branding switch, the Colonel has succeeded with a strategy unsuccessfully pioneered by New Kids on the Block.
When I'm by myself, I almost never eat my food in the restraunt where I buy it, especially if it's fast food. I usually try to find a pleasant place in nature. But between Pico and Olympic, there aren't a whole lot of options. I briefly considered eating in a park just to the north of the 10 freeway in the vicinity of 28th Street, but then I noticed the overwhelming stench of garbage. It turns out that there's a huge landfill just upwind. This accounts for the presence of a trailer park in this same area; I'd been wondering how a trailer park could possibly persist given Santa Monica's inflated property values.

Back on the subject of KFC, here's a creepy little urban legend one of my readers sent me (thanks Cristina):

Fact or fiction?

KFC has been a part of our American traditions for many years. Many people, day in and day out, eat at KFC religiously. Do they really know what they are eating? During a recent study of KFC done at the University of New Hampshire, they found some very upsetting facts. First of all, has anybody noticed that just recently, the company has changed their name? Kentucky Fried Chicken has become KFC. Does anybody know why? We thought the real reason was because of the "FRIED" food issue. It's not. The reason why they call it KFC is because they cannot use the word chicken anymore. Why? KFC does not use real chickens. They actually use genetically manipulated organisms. These so called "chickens" are kept alive by tubes inserted into their bodies to pump blood and nutrients throughout their structure. They have no beaks, no feathers, and no feet. Their bone structure is dramatically shrunk to get more meat out of them. This is great for KFC because they do not have to pay so much for their production costs. There is no more plucking of the feathers or the removal of the beaks and feet. The government has told them to change all of their menus so they do not say chicken anywhere. If you look closely you will notice this. Listen to their commercials, I guarantee you will not see or hear the word chicken. I find this matter to be very disturbing. I hope people will start to realize this and let other people know. Please forward this message to as many people as you can. Together we make KFC start using real chicken again.

There was another Booger Nose Lady sighting tonight while I was out walking Sophie. She was on Amherst, half way between Rochester and Santa Monica Blvd. As usual, she was bundled head-to-toe in a sky-blue outfit, straw hat and bright red lipstick and surrounded by numerous plastic shopping bags containing unknown, tightly-wrapped items. When I passed her she was obsessively brushing her teeth and spitting into the grass.

[REDACTED]


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