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Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


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   eyeball rape
Monday, February 10 2003

It's the slimiest, most despicably exploitative television network, but most of the shows we watch seem to be on Fox. We avoid the usual Fox eyeball traps, particularly the apalling entertainment shows they present as news. In so doing, we manage to find things that are moderately watchable, such as the Simpsons, early shows of American Idol and the clever "reality" show Joe Millionaire. But today we must have let our gaurd down because Fox did what it does best, and they managed to do it to us. They raped our eyeballs, exposing us to their moronic advertisers without offering us any content in return. The vehicle for this rape was tonight's episode of Joe Millionaire, which was nothing more than an hour-long clip show. Instead of being the grand finale (as we'd expected), it was the show before the grand finale, and nothing happened. We were treated to no more idiotic lines from contestants, and (most importantly) none of the greedy bitches were eliminated. But we didn't know how bad it was going to be until the end, at which point we realized we'd been raped. Raped. As I said to Gretchen afterward, if someone had responded to this rape by walking into the Fox network headquarters and opening fire, I would contribute to his legal defense fund.

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