Your leaking thatched hut during the restoration of a pre-Enlightenment state.


Hello, my name is Judas Gutenberg and this is my blaag (pronounced as you would the vomit noise "hyroop-bleuach").


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Like my brownhouse:
   the only thing we have to fear
Monday, June 14 2004
By now we're all familiar with the importance of stem cell research to Nancy Reagan. But her feelings on the matter was so tightly tied to her personal problems that one wonders if she continues to support it now that her husband has died. My guess is that she'll maintain her support for stem cell research so long as the flags still fly at half mast. But once Old Glory returns to its full glory, her concern for little pre-sentient blastocysts will quickly grow to outweigh her concern for the doddering aged to whom she is not married.
On the subject of those half-mast flags, I've been wondering if the height of the flag on the pole bears an inverse relationship to the love that the person flying it has for our dead former president. For example, at the Hurley Mountain Inn the flag seems to fly at exactly half-mast, whereas at the Hurley State Trooper barracks on 209, the flag flies noticeably lower than half mast. I wonder if the White House flag is flown so low that it occasionally brushes the ground - a gesture of contrition for all those stem cells that will be flushed down the toilet instead of being used for Alzheimer's research.
I've also been wondering if it's possible for America to suffer a tragedy so serious that a decree will be issued stating "Henceforth and in perpetuity, the flag shall be flown at half mast." Perhaps such a calamity has already befallen the poor citizens of Tuvalu, the first nation to succumb to global warming.

A couple ideas I've had for bumper stickers/tee shirts:

  1. Why vote? The rapture is imminent. - If you're a Christian fundamentalist, seeing this shirt might be the only excuse you need to stay home on election day. If you're not a Christian fundamentalist, it might actually have a motivating effect.
  2. The only thing we have to fear is the PATRIOT Act itself. - I like the idea of using the PATRIOT Act as a synonym for fear (it is, after all, nothing so much as the bureaucratic embodiment of fear). Dropping it into a famous utterance from Franklin Delano Roosevelt showcases what pussies we are today in comparison to the way America was back when the enemy was far more organized and dangerous.

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