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half the film of your life
Tuesday, July 30 2013
About a week ago, I updated my resume on Dice.com in hopes of getting some job leads. The leads came, and some were even for remote web development gigs. But the qualifications seemed absurd, at least for one of the jobs. I'm not saying there is nobody out there who is both proficient in Javascript and the Zend PHP framework and conversant in NoSQL databases (something I learned about only a week ago when reading a prospective employer's critique of a candidate), but the chance of that person being available for any particular job would be fairly low.
By today those leads had dried up and I found myself updating my profile on Dice.com, hoping to give the tree of opportunity another shake. This time, as a measure of my desperation, I added my phone number to my Dice.com profile. I don't like calls from random American cities offering me jobs if I'm willing to relocate, particularly when I can barely make out what is being offered. (Why are so many recruiters Indians with barely-intelligible accents who make calls over terrible phone lines?) But I need a goddamn job!
The absence of leads today had me feeling kind of depressed and worthless. As I've grown older, I've found it's become easier to experience a feeling of worthlessness. This is related to the diminishment of life's potential. When I was 14, I could have been anything and it was easy to be an optimist. But when you're 45 and half the film of your life is already in the can, there are a lot of things you will never be even if you're already Steve Jobs or Pablo Picasso. But I'm just some guy looking for a crappy web development job who can't even motivate himself to build a Raspberry-Pi-based robot.
It definitely brightened my mood, though, to walk to the salt water pool with Gretchen and the dogs and go for a swim.
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